And The Conversation Went Like This...

background: little boy #1 was prepping for his first co-ed party

me: did you change your clothes?
little boy #1: yep

me: did you appropriately "sexify" your hair?
little boy #1: yep (as he commences "sexy dance" gyrations in the hallway)

me: are you wearing deodorant?
little boy #1: uh, no

All I Wanted Was To Check The Mail...But Nooooo!!!

i was having a hard day...do you ever get tasked with something so difficult that you lay your head on your desk, wondering how you're going to do THAT???

i decided to get a breath of fresh air...i stepped outside to check the mail, and noticed charlie (my neighbor's cat) in my garden...charlie had obviously just found something, and he took off running with his prize...to me, it looked like a dark lump, and i was afraid he'd found my toad...i caught up with him around the corner on his master's back porch, where he dropped it...

we both stood there looking at it, both a little dumbfounded, when i said outloud, "charlie, that's a SNAKE"...secretly, i was happy charlie found it instead of me, as i'm only terrified of snakes if they sneak up on me (and we all know they are exceptionally good at that)...

i blinked at the snake, trying to figure out if it was poisonous...i decided it was probably a garter snake...i also remembered that non-poisonous snakes are good at biting...i looked at my hands full of mail, shrugged my shoulders, and went back to my computer...where i started having doubts about that being the right course of action...i decided i had to SAVE the snake from charlie...

i pulled out my leather work gloves, went back over to find charlie in the same position, just staring at the snake, occasionally tapping at it with his paws...i picked it up, only to discover that it smelled REALLY BAD...i headed to release it some place away from charlie (because, theoretically, garter snakes are good)...but, being me, i had to identify it first, so it went into a holding container...yep...verified on-line...definite garter snake...i called the boys dad to see if he wanted a garter snake as a pet, to which he responded "garter snakes stink", which i ALREADY KNEW...so i turned the critter loose as planned, but i snapped the picture first...

lots & lots of adrenaline...wheeeew...all i wanted was to check the mail...nice...easy...relaxing...but noooooooo...

Monarch Season Is Winding Down

Have Some Underwear, It's A Gift...

this article cracked me up..."personal items such as undergarments were at times given to trusted staff as a perk"...can you just imagine queen victoria saying: "i like you...you're special...have some underwear...it's a gift...no, really, take it...TAKE it!!!

them brits definitely have a sense of humor, yes they do...

The New Generation of Legos Is Very, VERY Cool!!!

This is an actual Lego crab, assembled by me, with the help of a couple of first-graders...(they were obviously wise beyond their years)...

here's the story: wal-mart decided to do a lego event, with this crab as the project...except little boy #2 (a lego freak) had to attend a mandatory boy scout event...he was very bummed...so i went to wal-mart, thinking i could pick up a cute little bag of individually packaged components...you know, like one bag per kid...grab the bag...walk away...

except they didn't have the kits individually packaged...they had tubs of pieces, with a sign saying how many you needed...the whole event was complete chaos...kids starting the line from both directions...kids stopping in the middle waiting for directions from their parents...parents reaching over...i absolutely KNEW if i didn't put the pieces together that i would have come home to a very disappointed child, missing SOMETHING...

hence my crab adventure...and it was a good thing that i took the time to put it together, because i some how missed 2 tubs, for a total of 16 pieces...

little boy #2 is going to be sad that he couldn't attend the event, but he's going to be sooooo happy to get all these unusual parts...

: )

Teetering Between Adrenaline & Wanting to Cry

oh, that was TERRIFYING!!!! i used a 4 foot stick to try to ensnare the spider for my relocation program, but he started crawling UP THE STICK...in turn, i panicked, dropping the stick & flinging the spider across the sidewalk...it charged back at me, sending me into a shrieking/stomping fit because it was HUGE and obviously ANGRY!!!!

when it was all over, my neighbor asked me if i was okay...and i stood there almost non-verbal, trying to comprehend what had just happened...he asked "really big spider?"...i nodded...he smiled and said "i thought so"...

whewwwwww...adrenaline...

Walla Walla Onions - Mesmerizing!!!

i snapped this postcard-worthy picture at the missouri botanical gardens...

this is a close-up of the walla walla onions by Dale Chihuly...

Gorgeousness

a hollyhock in my garden... : )

Pondering Clover

i can't help but wonder if 5 leaf clovers (upper left) are luckier than 4 leaf clovers (bottom right)...

Mad Poodle Skillz

i was in a goofy mood this morning…little boy #1 was telling me about his dream where he was in an army fighting zombie (he paused and i suggested, rather hopefully, “poodles?”)…

he blinked and said “no, mom” then continued with his story…and for the next 3 minutes, every time he said zombie, i said “poodles?”…he would shake his head and go on with his story until he finally told me that he was killed and he turned into a zombie (“poodle?”) spider with an attack strength of + something and a death bite of something else…i told him that he should consider turning into a zombie poodle next time so that he can have mad poodle skillz…he shook his head in a way that meant “and i have to live with this???”…

i absolutely LOVE having children to torment… : )

Spring Beauties aka Claytonia Virginica

at the moment, my backyard is covered with my favorite wildflower...

Oh, That's ADORABLE!!!

my walking friend needed one last thing for her daughter's easter basket...it was a bright yellow blob called "fij fij"...she finally located one and i volunteered to pick it up on my way home...she gave me 2 coupons for 30% off and $20, with the instructions to buy as many as i could...

i walked into the store, carrying a page from the catalog...i pointed to the yellow blob and explained that she was holding one of "these" for me...she found it, pulled it out of its hiding place and proclaimed "that's ADORABLE!!!"...

i blinked a few times, told her that it looked like a bad home ec project, and asked her if she really thought it was adorable..."oh, YES!!!! look at those sweet little eyes...and the pink nose is soooooooo CU-U-U-UTE!!!"

i'm not sure what i said right here, but i know i was thinking "where do they get these people???" i showed her the coupons and asked if either would work...she said "YEEESSSS!!! in fact, the WHOLE STORE is 30% off and this coupon will get you an ADDITIONAL 30% off"...

i asked her if she was serious about that...with bright eyes, she nodded...i asked how much little "fij fij" would cost and she proclaimed $3.19 before taxes...i blinked a few times, trying to comprehend her glee before asking her if she could help me pick out some "cute" ones...

it was a very strange experience...i went to work the next day and told my friend that that the people at little boy stores are significantly less medicated...

Way To Make Your Mom Feel Old, Kid

quoting little boy #2: "it was a really old movie, like, back when batman was blue..."

Mrs. Grindlegrowl’s New Rule

Mrs. Grindlegrowl was not happy. Spring fever had set in and the children were not listening. How could they learn about fractions when they were being so silly? Mrs. Grindlegrowl thought & thought & decided that she needed a new rule.

"If you talk out of turn, you will get DETENTION," she said as she eyed little Grindlewylde. Mischievous as ever, he winked at her. When she wasn’t looking, he nudged Lorelei Bite-n-Bile with his tail. Lorelei kicked him with her foot and he yelped in pain. Mrs. Grindlegrowl glared in their direction but, for some reason, neither of them got detention.

Grindlewylde liked Lorelei, although he said he didn’t. He liked her a lot, in fact. After lunch, he gave Lorelei a paper frog and he smiled shyly. She blinked at him a couple of times, then he watched as she ATE HIS FROG!!!

Little Grindlewylde was very, very upset that she had eaten the frog, even if it was paper. He missed a lot of math to make the perfect frog for her, and he LIKED math. He was even more upset when he got detention and Lorelei DIDN’T.

Grindlewylde called his mom to let her know that he’d be late that night. He huffed and puffed. He stomped and he sulked.

His mother listened very patiently. When he calmed down a little, she told him that she loved him, and she understood that he was upset, but that he could not yell in math class because that was the RULE.

Little Grindlewylde sulked off to detention, hmpf’ing with every step.

Copyright 3/14/2009

Grindlewylde and the Cookie Budget

Little Grindlewylde had a problem: he was addicted to cookies!!!

In the morning, his mother would drive him to school. She would try to kiss him and he would jump out of the car. He would run into the school and, if Mrs. Grindlegrowl wasn’t watching, he would run down the hall. He would run and run and run until he got to the cafeteria, then he would walk.

He would walk QUICKLY past the peanut butter cookies, because everybody knows that peanut butter cookies are evil. He would slow down a little as he walked past the sugar cookies, but ONLY if they were frosted. Because just beyond the sugar cookies, under the extra sparkly lights, were the TRIPLE chocolate chunk cookies!!

One kind of chocolate would make his feet wiggle. Two kinds of chocolate would make him do a happy dance. But THREE kinds of chocolate? Well, that was enough for him to get his goof on.

Mrs. Grindlegrowl did not like it when he got his goof on. Neither did his mother. In fact, when Grindlewyse discovered that he was eating THREE cookies for breakfast and THREE cookies for lunch, she was all sorts of not happy.

She told little Grindlewydle that he could have ONE cookie a day, and that any extra cookies would come out of his allowance. Little Grindlewylde scowled. One cookie a day would be horrible.

And it WAS…until…(shhhhh!!)…the day he discovered ice cream COOKIE sandwiches!!!

Copyright 12/12/2008

Okay, Fine...Take the Picture...

me at work...

Hearing Things

last night, the mom could have sworn that Little Boy #1 said "did you know that magical chihuahuas can eat snakes in one bite?"

after careful consideration, and much blinking, the mom leaned in close to him and asked "are you on drugs?"

it turns out the mom misheard things...the magical chihauhuas were actually eating STEAKS in one bite...because that makes so much more sense...

video games were definitely less strange when i was a child...

When Beating Your Keyboard Out Of Frustration...

do not hit the shift key 5 times...

leettle-a buys shuooldn't iet su muny cuukeees. Um gesh dee bork, bork!..

rolfmao...yes...it's true...i discovered a website that will translate all my mom-isms into the dialect of the swedish chef...

http://rinkworks.com/dialect/

Happy Un-Birthday Dear Co-Worker...Happy Un-Birthday To You!!!

well, today was fun...we accidentally celebrated a co-worker's birthday 4 months in advance...

we definitely surprised him...lol...

My Morning Ritual

every morning starts like this...i open the door...bela rushes in, chirping, to tell me hello...he can't meow to save his life...but he's my baby... : )

20 Things You Didn't Know About Me

1) I am morally conflicted about silk…I used to have this naïve idea about how the silk worms made their cute little cocoons and after they emerged, people unwrapped the silk…but that isn't how it works at all…as soon as the caterpillars finish spinning their cocoons, they are immersed (alive) in boiling water, because if they emerge, they will cut through the silk fiber, ruining its commercial use...

my issue is this...i don't believe in killing an animal, unless you intend to make full use of the remains...i have a big problem with people buying fur coats, made by the fur industry, because of how those animals are treated...i do not have a problem with people who trap, who eat the little bunnies (or whatever) and who then tan/sell the furs, even if the those furs are eventually made into coats...

my moral conflict about silk is that roasted silk worms are a foodstuff in asia...so, in theory, nothing is going to waste...but silk worms are not part of my diet (now or in the future)...and somehow it doesn't seem appropriate for me to wear silk for that reason...

2) to further complicate matters, I believe that the only other valid reason for killing an animal is if it is threatening you…I often watch my feet when I'm walking so that I won't step on an insect…I grossed out a friend last year because while we were walking around the parking lot, i picked up a praying mantis to relocate it to a (hopefully safe) grassy area...i relocated some ladybugs that got in the building for the same reason...

mosquitoes fall into the threatening category...as do ticks...(even if they aren't touching me...)

spiders...that's difficult...logically, i know that they are good...however, i'm TERRIFIED of them...that's a very fine line for a spider to balance, without getting squashed...

3) I still have an irrational fear of getting swept out to sea and being eaten by a shark…

4) lolcats make me laugh hysterically…

5) I sacrifice my own wants and needs to those of my children to a degree that they will never comprehend…

6) I have a large scar on my left hand because I used a sickle incorrectly as a child…(a sickle is sort of like a short-handled scythe…)

7) I adore monarch butterflies...last summer I planted milkweed in my garden to attract the caterpillars…(it worked)…and i was very happy that my boys were able to experience watching a monarch emerge from its chrysalis…

but it was a strange moral experience at the same time...i planted milkweed so that the caterpillars would have something to eat...yet i was raised (probably like most people) that it's a bad thing if insects decimate plants in your garden...i had to keep reminding myself that the goal was the animal and not the plant...

8) I think grass is a homogenous, green desert…it is devoid of nutrients...it reduces biodiversity…and it enslaves modern man to chemicals and pointless yard work…(not all yard work is pointless, just the part that involves caring for grass)...

if i had my way, i'd rip it all out and replace it with a short flowery mix of violets, maybe some clover, and a bunch of spring beauties (which are a tiny white flower with pink veins on the petals...)

9) I have poor eye contact because of a guy named Mickey…at the time, I had an eye condition called GPC (Giant Papillary Conjunctivitis)…amongst other things, it caused my eyes to quickly build up deposits on my contacts…these deposits looked like tiny white dots...

once upon a time, i was flirting with Mickey at the bus stop, and he was just one of those people who was absurdly blunt...in a VERY LOUD VOICE, in front of all my classmates, he said, "did you know that you have dots on your eyes???"

i was horribly embarrassed, and the fact of the matter was that, yes, i did know that i had dots on my eyes...but i couldn't afford another pair of $300 contacts (disposables didn't exist back then)...and the lenses on my glasses were really thick, plus my glasses made me look hideous...so my solution was to not look people square in the eye...i've never really broken that habit...

10) I am happiest when I am stomping around in Bear Creek (outside of Ottumwa, IA) with my boys, reminiscing about how my dad used to do that with me…

11) my dad committed suicide when he was 41…I will be 41 this year…

12) I broke off my front tooth in a sledding accident in 7th grade…I crawled around in the snow trying to find it, thinking that they could glue it back on…(I wasn't able find it, and the dentist told me that he couldn't have glued it back on anyway…)

13) I am not allergic to shrimp/crab/lobster, although I say that I am…in reality, I have a severe intolerance…and it's just easier to explain it as an allergy…

14) My home computer shouts "Inconceivable!" (from the Princess Bride) when I make a mistake…it says "You're all clear kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!" (Han Solo from Star Wars) when I shut it down…

15) my favorite movie quote of all time is: "Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You Killed My Father! Prepare to Die!"

16) I think it's cool that my dog actually understands what I'm saying, even if his vocabulary is limited…

17) if I could do my life over, I would have been a paleontologist…

18) I am fascinated with any clear object that contains visible moving parts…I can relate to the guy from the Flight of the Conchords who said that his favorite color was "transparent"…

19) I think everybody should kiva…it's just the right thing to do…

20) last of all, thanks to facebook, I now have 3 friends named Barbara [Something Italian]…isn't that crazy???

Grindlewylde The Ninja

Mrs. Grindlegrowl liked an orderly classroom. She liked rules, rules, rules. She had so many rules, that little Grindlewylde couldn’t help himself. It seemed like he was always getting into trouble.

Mrs. Grindlegrowl frowned when he crawled under the chairs, pretending to be a guinea pig. And she scowled when she discovered that he had fired staple-shaped projectiles at the class, using the stapler from her desk. But when he made origami throwing stars and pretended to be a ninja, she had three words to say: Detention, Detention, Detention.

Little Grindlewylde was not happy about this. He fussed all the way home, to anybody who would listen. He argued that Mrs. Grindlegrowl never told him that he couldn’t play ninja, that this was a silly new rule that she invented because she was just plain mean.

His mother, Grindlewyse, being a very loving and kind dragon, would hear none of his excuses. She patiently explained that little Grindlewylde had broken a rule, and that he needed to be punished. Then, she told him that his punishment was fair, and that she agreed with Mrs. Grindlegrowl.

Grindlewylde huffed & puffed and a tiny wisp of smoke came out of his throat. But Grindlwyse did not change her mind. And neither did Mrs. Grindlegrowl.

Copyright 10/15/2008

"I'm Not On Drugs, I'm On Cookies" -- Little Boy #2

you know...sometimes it's fun to just sit back & listen to what your kids tell their friends...

If Your Cat Has Gas, Don't Point The Stinky End At Your Face

little boy #1 learned this lesson the hard way...

Geography Lesson Part 3 - The Badlands & Omaha

outside of rapid city is badlands national park...the formations were delicate pastels & my camera washed everything out to an even shade of taupe...

i'm still trying to understand the geology of the badlands...the contrast between grassland and badland was so distinct...absolutes like that fascinate me...

however, the little boys were bored with my enthusiasm...and they only got out of the car once, to use the restroom...soon after, we stopped at an authentic sod house and i was practically giddy, because i had always wanted to see one...


here is a link to the Prairie Homestead website so that you can learn more...i wish that the website had interior pictures, because my camera couldn't take pictures under those lighting conditions...

the left portion of the house has authentic sod walls...i think the ceiling was sod too, held up by beams...although if i remember right, the front wall was just wood...there was a front "room" that was essentially a kitchen...the back "room" was partitioned off by a curtain & it held a small bed with a quilt...the floor was dirt, with planks here & there, probably to cross mud puddles...everything was so dirty...i couldn't imagine living that way, but it was inhabited until 1949...my mother would have been 1 year old...absolutely mind-boggling...

the right side was a small shack that was later attached to the house...it was not made of sod, so the walls were only a few inches thick...it had a normal wooden floor and it seems to have been used as a parlor...it contained a little couch with many antiques in the room...a handful of linens, etc...stuff that would normally have been roped off, but was available for people to touch...i couldn't bring myself to do it...

the thing that fascinated me the most was that they had to cut a hole in the wall to make an interior doorway from the sod house to the shack...and because the sod wall was about 18 inches thick, the arch of the doorway lasted forever...it was too short to be a hall and too long to be a normal arch...to keep the sod from crumbling, they had wallpapered the opening with newspapers...they were very old...barely in the 1900's...i would have loved to read them all, but the boys were not enjoying themselves being inside of something so anti-modern...

having said that, the boys were absolutely fascinated with the white prairie dogs...many people in the west view prairie dogs as pests...and the sioux were going to poison a large colony, so the current owner of the sod house caught one white male and started a breeding program...now most of the prairie dogs around the sod house are white...it's not a blinding white, probably because they are always covered in dirt...they are very skittish & if you throw them a peanut, eventually they will scurry out to get it...(if you're patient)...on the other hand, the chickens are not afraid of anything & if they think you have peanuts, THEY WILL CHASE YOU DOWN...little boy #2 will attest that it's pretty darn freaky when you are being stalked by a chicken... : P

we wrapped up the vacation by stopping at the henry doorly zoo in omaha, ne...we had gone there several years ago, but the boys were young & there was too much zoo & not enough time...last year, we finished the zoo in record time (since their legs are longer)...the highlight was the "budgie experience"...which was an enclosure that easily contained at least 500 parakeets...

you could buy a tongue depressor covered with peanut butter & seed...

the boys had a blast feeding the budgies...after the zoo, we went back to the hotel for a swim...and the next day, we headed to iowa to spend (quiet time) with family & friends...

it was a good vacation...but it was a lot of driving...and i don't have any intention of doing that again any time soon...

Geography Lesson Part 2 - Rapid City

while in rapid city, we stopped to see mount rushmore...which looks exactly like it does in all the pictures that i've ever seen...


then i let the boys each pick 2 things to do...one picked stopping at a chocolate store and the "roo ranch"...

little boy #2 was lovesick...he adored his (sleeping) joey...

little boy #1 thought it was pretty cool too...

honestly, i wouldn't recommend the roo ranch...it was stinky, boring, & the employees were mostly apathetic...but for a fee (i think $10 per kid) each little boy got to hold a joey and to get their picture taken against a cheesy tourist background...but there were technical difficulties, resulting in little boy #1 being purple...which meant that they got to hold their critters for about 20 minutes, while the staff figured out that the printer needed a new toner cartridge...the boys didn't complain one bit... : )

the other kid picked the black hills museum of natural history...which was an interesting choice, since he's never liked science museums unless it was the hands-on type...but these were the researchers involved in the discovery of "sue" the t-rex which was the subject of a HUGE court battle...ultimately, sue went on display at the field museum in chicago & neither kid cared at all when i fawned over sue when we saw her in person...but they enjoyed hearing the story again, when we were in south dakota...i guess it was familiar to them this time, so it was okay...kids are weird sometimes...no pics of the museum, since none turned out...

that kid also picked reptile gardens...which was a combination zoo / carnival / disney-like theme park...it wasn't a true zoo, because most of the animals weren't in a natural setting...

for instance, these prairie dogs were as fat as sausages from all the peanuts...you could walk down some stairs and pop up in the bubble to get a close up of them...btw, prairie dogs are cute...but they apparently bite pretty hard...the bubble was a nice safety feature...

the sign actually encouraged gently scratching the tortoise's neck...

the animal shows were very educational & extremely funny, which is a hard line to balance...i would definitely recommend this place, but only if you do the shows...

all & all, the boys enjoyed themselves that day...

Geography Lesson Part 1 - Salt Lake City & Yellowstone

we went to yellowstone this summer...except, in my quest to take the boys to as many of the 50 states as possible, we went the long route...we stopped in saratoga, wy...(see the post from 11/03/2008 detailing those adventures)...

we also stopped in salt lake city, ut to see the great salt lake...but the drought was so severe, that the lake had receded at least 75 feet from its banks...so we couldn't get a very good look at it...that afternoon, we went to timpanogos cave...which seemed like a good idea...and while i realized that there was a 1 1/2 mile hike when i purchased the advance tickets...i somehow missed the fact that it was pretty much STRAIGHT UP A MOUNTAIN...i don't do well at high altitudes, but with a lot of encouragement from the boys, i managed to make it to the cave...

80% of the climb is complete...
can you see the shelter area a little to the right of the center of the picture?

using every photo op as a chance to rest...these are sedimentary layers...the tops of these mountains used to be the bottom of the ocean...it's been pushed up & folded by tectonic activity...

looking at a neighboring mountain...we are around 6700 ft above sea level...

using another photo op to catch my breath...

rare cave formations...the curly shapes are called helictites...


a large portion of yellowstone burned in 1988...the forest still hasn't recovered...

there were so many geysers & steam vents that the boys became blase about them...



although they were always fascinated by the streams...

and by the incredible power of the rivers...

ultimately, the boys decided that it's wrong to eat bison...

and that they should be free forever...

Grindlewylde’s Song

Grindlewylde was glad that his brother was gone. It was quiet. And he liked quiet.

Except at bedtime, when he liked to sing. His voice filled the room and it made him feel a little less lonely. Sometimes his songs made sense. And sometimes, they just didn’t. But that was okay. Because sometimes emotions don’t make sense either.

Grindlewyse tucked her son in with a kiss, and she looked sadly at his brother’s empty bed. She would miss her Grindlemyre forever. And, at that moment, Grindlewylde missed him a little too.

After she left, he started singing softly. He sang all the songs that he learned at school. Then he sang about the floor. And the curtains. He tried really hard not to sing about his brother’s bed, but he just couldn’t stop himself.

"Little bed with a cover of blue.
I miss the brother that belongs to you.
He was kind of mean and he stole my candy all the time (especially my chocolate).
But I miss him and I wish he could come back
Because I want to play with him some more.
(Sigh.)
Little bed with a cover of blue.
I miss the brother that belongs to you."

Snot bubbles came out his nose, so he stopped singing. But he still missed his brother. And he probably always would.

Copyright 9/2/2008