bitterthought

And so the Teenager Says...

2010-09-04T08:24:00.001-05:00

after 2 weeks in high school: "i know just enough german to make up dirty sayings..."

Bark! Bark! Bark! Growwwwwl!!!

2010-08-28T11:16:00.002-05:00

translation: your cologne smells bad

Clearing the Air

2010-07-04T11:40:00.001-05:00

Dear Andy Murray,

I was the kid who melted the eraser on the radiator; you were the kid who got in trouble. I've always felt kind of bad about that, but I need you to understand that even though I'm apologizing, I still think you're a jerk.

Vacation Results, Day 1

2010-04-20T07:15:00.003-05:00

The doggie got out & i had to chase him through the neighborhood; the doctor's scale told me that i was fat; and a cop pulled me over for a burned out brake light (although the 2 uniformed boy scouts in the car probably helped in keeping it from becoming a fix it ticket)...

here's hoping that vacation day 2 will be uneventful...

Facebook

2010-04-13T17:14:00.001-05:00

i love reading my kids' status updates...today, little boy # one wrote that he "thinkth hith retainer maketh him thound like a moron..."

Road Trip!!

2010-04-10T17:11:00.002-05:00

today was GORGEOUS so i decided to take a road trip to stark brother's nursery in louisiana, mo...i had heard of them years ago, when i was researching a trip through WV...it turned out that the original golden delicious tree was found growing next to a fence in WV & that stark brothers (here in MO) bought the rights to it, insisting that a cage had to be erected around the original to prevent theft...today i learned that they have been in existence for 190 years & were instrumental in marketing/naming both the red & yellow delicious apples...across the road from the nursery is a little log cabin, which was built by the stark family & moved to that location at a different date...it's very picturesque...

it was so much fun walking around, looking at everything...they had all sorts of things that you don't see in a typical nursery...for instance, they had okra, peppermint, and spearmint plants...they had more blueberry/blackberry/raspberry varieties than i could count...they had loganberries, cranberries, lingonberries, and gooseberry bushes...they had pawpaws, hardy kiwis, hickory & hazelnut trees...they had roses & maples & evergreens...they even had honeycrisp apple trees (which are some of the best apples you will ever eat)...there were currants (red, pink, white, and black)...there were jostaberry plants...their inventory was mind-boggling...and it was so much fun walking around, contemplating what i wanted to buy & where it would go in my yard...

i even got to go into the cellar...it had concrete walls & smelled of damp earth...it was the hub of their catalog operation...they had all the dormant plants stored in crates of dirt...you'd go to the cashier & tell her what you wanted from the catalog...you'd pay, then she'd send you downstairs to pick it up...it was so wild...it was a basement full of dormant trees & bushes...row after row of them...it gave me a whole new perspective on getting stuff from a catalog...

ultimately, i had to come home...so after a lot of thought, i passed on the honeycrisp apple tree...it needs a pollinator and i don't have room for 2 addl trees on my land...i purchased 2 lingonberry bushes (which are going to be tiny little things, so think they'll probably fit in the front gardens somewhere)...i purchased a red gooseberry to go with the pixwell that had just arrived...and i couldn't resist 10 VERY PRETTY hot pink geraniums...

this is my wagon full of happiness... : )

Teenager Quotes Of The Week

2010-02-18T20:48:00.002-06:00

"this wind is unbearable and it's MESSING UP MY HAIR!!!"

"if internet explorer were a girl, she'd be easy, but she'd also be the one who gives you an infection..."

"mom, are there any jeans in the dishwasher?"

Teenagers Are Amusing

2010-02-06T08:35:00.003-06:00

they just don't think like normal humans...for instance, little boy #1 spends 10 minutes a day "sexifying" his hair...but he never remembered to wear deodorant until he set his watch alarm up as a reminder...problem solved...

then there's the underwear situation...for years, i have purchased twice as much underwear as needed, knowing that they will wear my "good" underwear to their dad's house...and when the "evil dad underwear" returns, i throw the ill-fitting things away...it's been a good system...

until this year when little boy #1 decided that he will only wear a specific type of boxers...i purchased said boxers, expecting that my underwear would be depleted over time & that i'd have to replenish the stock...no big deal...except the underwear drawer wasn't being depleted...it was very puzzling...

this week, little boy #1 told me that he wore the same pair of underwear 3 days in a row while at his dad's house, because his dad didn't have the correct kind of underwear...i stood there blinking at him, as he protested that he took a shower each day, so it was okay!!! more blinking on my part, followed by an unintentional "ewwwwww..."

his dad took him out to purchase underwear last night... : P

Cursing & Contacts

2010-01-26T20:48:00.004-06:00

little boy #1's fool proof method for cursing at school: 1) make sure there's a lot of background noise; 2) make sure the teacher isn't looking; 3) point at another student when you say the word so that when the teacher looks back, the focus will be on another student...

that kid cracks me up sometimes...

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both little boys got fitted with contacts this afternoon...it was the 2nd attempt for little boy #1, who feared a repeat of last year, but he was very determined perhaps because there is a mysterious "hot cheerleader" in the picture...

after the eye exam, both boys had to insert the contacts themselves, take them out, then reinsert them before they would be allowed to leave...i asked the technician to sit between them so that they wouldn't pummel each other...they worried about how long they would take, but they were reassured they could take as long as they needed...in fact, another patient had been there for 90 minutes...

lickety-split, little boy #2 came charging to the front of the store, VERY PROUD that he had got his contacts in "pop, pop"...then he ran back, took them out & reinserted them...he came running back up, flailing his arms, saying that it was so easy to insert them "pop, pop, pop, pop"...he used words like "ninja" and was incredibly proud that he had beaten his brother...

little boy #1 grew frustrated...the other patient had inserted her contacts & left...little boy #2 was finished, so i drove him to his dad's for a while to prevent him from grating on his brother's nerves...all of which made little boy #1 both frustrated and yet more determined...eventually he got his contacts in with a huge smile on his face...he used words like "awesome" and "so that's what peripheral vision is like"...

the phrase that best summed up their emotional state was "pure joy"...i had no idea it was going to be such a profound life experience...but it was wonderful that i was there to share it with them...

Words You Never Want To Hear Your Child Say

2010-01-26T12:55:00.001-06:00

"mom, when i crash your car for the first time..."

Gotta Love Kids

2010-01-22T18:07:00.001-06:00

teacher: "what's the difference between empathy & sympathy?"

little boy #2: "the spelling"

And The Conversation Went Like This...

2009-12-13T08:55:00.002-06:00

background: little boy #1 was prepping for his first co-ed party

me: did you change your clothes?
little boy #1: yep

me: did you appropriately "sexify" your hair?
little boy #1: yep (as he commences "sexy dance" gyrations in the hallway)

me: are you wearing deodorant?
little boy #1: uh, no

All I Wanted Was To Check The Mail...But Nooooo!!!

2009-09-20T09:57:00.002-05:00

i was having a hard day...do you ever get tasked with something so difficult that you lay your head on your desk, wondering how you're going to do THAT???

i decided to get a breath of fresh air...i stepped outside to check the mail, and noticed charlie (my neighbor's cat) in my garden...charlie had obviously just found something, and he took off running with his prize...to me, it looked like a dark lump, and i was afraid he'd found my toad...i caught up with him around the corner on his master's back porch, where he dropped it...

we both stood there looking at it, both a little dumbfounded, when i said outloud, "charlie, that's a SNAKE"...secretly, i was happy charlie found it instead of me, as i'm only terrified of snakes if they sneak up on me (and we all know they are exceptionally good at that)...

i blinked at the snake, trying to figure out if it was poisonous...i decided it was probably a garter snake...i also remembered that non-poisonous snakes are good at biting...i looked at my hands full of mail, shrugged my shoulders, and went back to my computer...where i started having doubts about that being the right course of action...i decided i had to SAVE the snake from charlie...

i pulled out my leather work gloves, went back over to find charlie in the same position, just staring at the snake, occasionally tapping at it with his paws...i picked it up, only to discover that it smelled REALLY BAD...i headed to release it some place away from charlie (because, theoretically, garter snakes are good)...but, being me, i had to identify it first, so it went into a holding container...yep...verified on-line...definite garter snake...i called the boys dad to see if he wanted a garter snake as a pet, to which he responded "garter snakes stink", which i ALREADY KNEW...so i turned the critter loose as planned, but i snapped the picture first...

lots & lots of adrenaline...wheeeew...all i wanted was to check the mail...nice...easy...relaxing...but noooooooo...

Loki's New Favorite Spot

2009-09-12T10:48:00.004-05:00

i love loki's attitude in the picture above...but she was moving, so the basket is crisp, but she's a little blurry...

Monarch Season Is Winding Down

2009-09-12T10:33:00.005-05:00

Putting Fish In Peanut Butter

2009-09-09T19:17:00.000-05:00

i took my half-asleep self to the grocery store this morning to buy peanut butter...and discovered that they are now putting fish oil in certain brands...peanut butter...and fish...i stood there for a while, wondering why the marketing people thought this would be appetizing...

BLECH!!! : P

Have Some Underwear, It's A Gift...

2009-09-09T17:34:00.001-05:00

this article cracked me up..."personal items such as undergarments were at times given to trusted staff as a perk"...can you just imagine queen victoria saying: "i like you...you're special...have some underwear...it's a gift...no, really, take it...TAKE it!!!

them brits definitely have a sense of humor, yes they do...

The New Generation of Legos Is Very, VERY Cool!!!

2009-08-29T10:51:00.004-05:00

This is an actual Lego crab, assembled by me, with the help of a couple of first-graders...(they were obviously wise beyond their years)...

here's the story: wal-mart decided to do a lego event, with this crab as the project...except little boy #2 (a lego freak) had to attend a mandatory boy scout event...he was very bummed...so i went to wal-mart, thinking i could pick up a cute little bag of individually packaged components...you know, like one bag per kid...grab the bag...walk away...

except they didn't have the kits individually packaged...they had tubs of pieces, with a sign saying how many you needed...the whole event was complete chaos...kids starting the line from both directions...kids stopping in the middle waiting for directions from their parents...parents reaching over...i absolutely KNEW if i didn't put the pieces together that i would have come home to a very disappointed child, missing SOMETHING...

hence my crab adventure...and it was a good thing that i took the time to put it together, because i some how missed 2 tubs, for a total of 16 pieces...

little boy #2 is going to be sad that he couldn't attend the event, but he's going to be sooooo happy to get all these unusual parts...

: )

Teetering Between Adrenaline & Wanting to Cry

2009-08-15T15:36:00.001-05:00

oh, that was TERRIFYING!!!! i used a 4 foot stick to try to ensnare the spider for my relocation program, but he started crawling UP THE STICK...in turn, i panicked, dropping the stick & flinging the spider across the sidewalk...it charged back at me, sending me into a shrieking/stomping fit because it was HUGE and obviously ANGRY!!!!

when it was all over, my neighbor asked me if i was okay...and i stood there almost non-verbal, trying to comprehend what had just happened...he asked "really big spider?"...i nodded...he smiled and said "i thought so"...

whewwwwww...adrenaline...

Walla Walla Onions - Mesmerizing!!!

2009-06-20T10:16:00.006-05:00

i snapped this postcard-worthy picture at the missouri botanical gardens...

this is a close-up of the walla walla onions by Dale Chihuly...

Gorgeousness

2009-06-10T19:41:00.002-05:00

a hollyhock in my garden... : )

Pondering Clover

2009-05-02T13:36:00.001-05:00

i can't help but wonder if 5 leaf clovers (upper left) are luckier than 4 leaf clovers (bottom right)...

Mad Poodle Skillz

2009-04-24T13:17:00.002-05:00

i was in a goofy mood this morning…little boy #1 was telling me about his dream where he was in an army fighting zombie (he paused and i suggested, rather hopefully, “poodles?”)…

he blinked and said “no, mom” then continued with his story…and for the next 3 minutes, every time he said zombie, i said “poodles?”…he would shake his head and go on with his story until he finally told me that he was killed and he turned into a zombie (“poodle?”) spider with an attack strength of + something and a death bite of something else…i told him that he should consider turning into a zombie poodle next time so that he can have mad poodle skillz…he shook his head in a way that meant “and i have to live with this???”…

i absolutely LOVE having children to torment… : )

Spring Beauties aka Claytonia Virginica

2009-04-05T10:30:00.002-05:00

at the moment, my backyard is covered with my favorite wildflower...

Oh, That's ADORABLE!!!

2009-04-04T09:44:00.006-05:00

my walking friend needed one last thing for her daughter's easter basket...it was a bright yellow blob called "fij fij"...she finally located one and i volunteered to pick it up on my way home...she gave me 2 coupons for 30% off and $20, with the instructions to buy as many as i could...

i walked into the store, carrying a page from the catalog...i pointed to the yellow blob and explained that she was holding one of "these" for me...she found it, pulled it out of its hiding place and proclaimed "that's ADORABLE!!!"...

i blinked a few times, told her that it looked like a bad home ec project, and asked her if she really thought it was adorable..."oh, YES!!!! look at those sweet little eyes...and the pink nose is soooooooo CU-U-U-UTE!!!"

i'm not sure what i said right here, but i know i was thinking "where do they get these people???" i showed her the coupons and asked if either would work...she said "YEEESSSS!!! in fact, the WHOLE STORE is 30% off and this coupon will get you an ADDITIONAL 30% off"...

i asked her if she was serious about that...with bright eyes, she nodded...i asked how much little "fij fij" would cost and she proclaimed $3.19 before taxes...i blinked a few times, trying to comprehend her glee before asking her if she could help me pick out some "cute" ones...

it was a very strange experience...i went to work the next day and told my friend that that the people at little boy stores are significantly less medicated...

Way To Make Your Mom Feel Old, Kid

2009-03-17T06:31:00.001-05:00

quoting little boy #2: "it was a really old movie, like, back when batman was blue..."

Mrs. Grindlegrowl’s New Rule

2009-03-14T14:18:00.001-05:00

Mrs. Grindlegrowl was not happy. Spring fever had set in and the children were not listening. How could they learn about fractions when they were being so silly? Mrs. Grindlegrowl thought & thought & decided that she needed a new rule.

"If you talk out of turn, you will get DETENTION," she said as she eyed little Grindlewylde. Mischievous as ever, he winked at her. When she wasn’t looking, he nudged Lorelei Bite-n-Bile with his tail. Lorelei kicked him with her foot and he yelped in pain. Mrs. Grindlegrowl glared in their direction but, for some reason, neither of them got detention.

Grindlewylde liked Lorelei, although he said he didn’t. He liked her a lot, in fact. After lunch, he gave Lorelei a paper frog and he smiled shyly. She blinked at him a couple of times, then he watched as she ATE HIS FROG!!!

Little Grindlewylde was very, very upset that she had eaten the frog, even if it was paper. He missed a lot of math to make the perfect frog for her, and he LIKED math. He was even more upset when he got detention and Lorelei DIDN’T.

Grindlewylde called his mom to let her know that he’d be late that night. He huffed and puffed. He stomped and he sulked.

His mother listened very patiently. When he calmed down a little, she told him that she loved him, and she understood that he was upset, but that he could not yell in math class because that was the RULE.

Little Grindlewylde sulked off to detention, hmpf’ing with every step.

Copyright 3/14/2009

Judging By The Expression On Your Face, You Think I Did This, Right?

2009-03-10T12:38:00.002-05:00

such a silly dog...i was trying to get a picture of cat inflicted damage, but i kept getting a dog nose, so i told him to lay down...he looks soooooo worried...

Grindlewylde and the Cookie Budget

2009-03-09T19:10:00.002-05:00

Little Grindlewylde had a problem: he was addicted to cookies!!!

In the morning, his mother would drive him to school. She would try to kiss him and he would jump out of the car. He would run into the school and, if Mrs. Grindlegrowl wasn’t watching, he would run down the hall. He would run and run and run until he got to the cafeteria, then he would walk.

He would walk QUICKLY past the peanut butter cookies, because everybody knows that peanut butter cookies are evil. He would slow down a little as he walked past the sugar cookies, but ONLY if they were frosted. Because just beyond the sugar cookies, under the extra sparkly lights, were the TRIPLE chocolate chunk cookies!!

One kind of chocolate would make his feet wiggle. Two kinds of chocolate would make him do a happy dance. But THREE kinds of chocolate? Well, that was enough for him to get his goof on.

Mrs. Grindlegrowl did not like it when he got his goof on. Neither did his mother. In fact, when Grindlewyse discovered that he was eating THREE cookies for breakfast and THREE cookies for lunch, she was all sorts of not happy.

She told little Grindlewydle that he could have ONE cookie a day, and that any extra cookies would come out of his allowance. Little Grindlewylde scowled. One cookie a day would be horrible.

And it WAS…until…(shhhhh!!)…the day he discovered ice cream COOKIE sandwiches!!!

Copyright 12/12/2008

Okay, Fine...Take the Picture...

2009-03-07T13:13:00.001-06:00

me at work...

Hearing Things

2009-02-24T07:11:00.003-06:00

last night, the mom could have sworn that Little Boy #1 said "did you know that magical chihuahuas can eat snakes in one bite?"

after careful consideration, and much blinking, the mom leaned in close to him and asked "are you on drugs?"

it turns out the mom misheard things...the magical chihauhuas were actually eating STEAKS in one bite...because that makes so much more sense...

video games were definitely less strange when i was a child...

Spelling Mahna Mahna

2009-02-15T12:54:00.012-06:00

you know...there's this recurring muppet skit, with a catchy jingle, but no real words...just TRY googling something with nonsensical lyrics...it's like looking for a needle in a haystack...i have asked friends if they remember this skit & they all do, but none of them could give me the spelling...

grudgingly, i became resigned to the fact that this melody would be like another wordless tune that goes around & around in my head...

until one day i found the little boys on youtube, giggling over a video called ROFLMAO...and in the credits they mention that the melody is based off of the muppet skit which is, in turn based off a song written by Piero Umiliani.

now if i could just get somebody to recognize the other tune in my head...???

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here's the link for ROFLMOA: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEWgs6YQR9A

here's one version of the muppet skit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YevYBsShxNs

When Beating Your Keyboard Out Of Frustration...

2009-02-11T12:52:00.001-06:00

do not hit the shift key 5 times...

leettle-a buys shuooldn't iet su muny cuukeees. Um gesh dee bork, bork!..

2009-02-09T12:17:00.003-06:00

rolfmao...yes...it's true...i discovered a website that will translate all my mom-isms into the dialect of the swedish chef...

http://rinkworks.com/dialect/

Happy Un-Birthday Dear Co-Worker...Happy Un-Birthday To You!!!

2009-02-04T18:40:00.002-06:00

well, today was fun...we accidentally celebrated a co-worker's birthday 4 months in advance...

we definitely surprised him...lol...

My Morning Ritual

2009-02-02T21:09:00.004-06:00

every morning starts like this...i open the door...bela rushes in, chirping, to tell me hello...he can't meow to save his life...but he's my baby... : )

20 Things You Didn't Know About Me

2009-02-01T16:58:00.005-06:00

1) I am morally conflicted about silk…I used to have this naïve idea about how the silk worms made their cute little cocoons and after they emerged, people unwrapped the silk…but that isn't how it works at all…as soon as the caterpillars finish spinning their cocoons, they are immersed (alive) in boiling water, because if they emerge, they will cut through the silk fiber, ruining its commercial use...

my issue is this...i don't believe in killing an animal, unless you intend to make full use of the remains...i have a big problem with people buying fur coats, made by the fur industry, because of how those animals are treated...i do not have a problem with people who trap, who eat the little bunnies (or whatever) and who then tan/sell the furs, even if the those furs are eventually made into coats...

my moral conflict about silk is that roasted silk worms are a foodstuff in asia...so, in theory, nothing is going to waste...but silk worms are not part of my diet (now or in the future)...and somehow it doesn't seem appropriate for me to wear silk for that reason...

2) to further complicate matters, I believe that the only other valid reason for killing an animal is if it is threatening you…I often watch my feet when I'm walking so that I won't step on an insect…I grossed out a friend last year because while we were walking around the parking lot, i picked up a praying mantis to relocate it to a (hopefully safe) grassy area...i relocated some ladybugs that got in the building for the same reason...

mosquitoes fall into the threatening category...as do ticks...(even if they aren't touching me...)

spiders...that's difficult...logically, i know that they are good...however, i'm TERRIFIED of them...that's a very fine line for a spider to balance, without getting squashed...

3) I still have an irrational fear of getting swept out to sea and being eaten by a shark…

4) lolcats make me laugh hysterically…

5) I sacrifice my own wants and needs to those of my children to a degree that they will never comprehend…

6) I have a large scar on my left hand because I used a sickle incorrectly as a child…(a sickle is sort of like a short-handled scythe…)

7) I adore monarch butterflies...last summer I planted milkweed in my garden to attract the caterpillars…(it worked)…and i was very happy that my boys were able to experience watching a monarch emerge from its chrysalis…

but it was a strange moral experience at the same time...i planted milkweed so that the caterpillars would have something to eat...yet i was raised (probably like most people) that it's a bad thing if insects decimate plants in your garden...i had to keep reminding myself that the goal was the animal and not the plant...

8) I think grass is a homogenous, green desert…it is devoid of nutrients...it reduces biodiversity…and it enslaves modern man to chemicals and pointless yard work…(not all yard work is pointless, just the part that involves caring for grass)...

if i had my way, i'd rip it all out and replace it with a short flowery mix of violets, maybe some clover, and a bunch of spring beauties (which are a tiny white flower with pink veins on the petals...)

9) I have poor eye contact because of a guy named Mickey…at the time, I had an eye condition called GPC (Giant Papillary Conjunctivitis)…amongst other things, it caused my eyes to quickly build up deposits on my contacts…these deposits looked like tiny white dots...

once upon a time, i was flirting with Mickey at the bus stop, and he was just one of those people who was absurdly blunt...in a VERY LOUD VOICE, in front of all my classmates, he said, "did you know that you have dots on your eyes???"

i was horribly embarrassed, and the fact of the matter was that, yes, i did know that i had dots on my eyes...but i couldn't afford another pair of $300 contacts (disposables didn't exist back then)...and the lenses on my glasses were really thick, plus my glasses made me look hideous...so my solution was to not look people square in the eye...i've never really broken that habit...

10) I am happiest when I am stomping around in Bear Creek (outside of Ottumwa, IA) with my boys, reminiscing about how my dad used to do that with me…

11) my dad committed suicide when he was 41…I will be 41 this year…

12) I broke off my front tooth in a sledding accident in 7th grade…I crawled around in the snow trying to find it, thinking that they could glue it back on…(I wasn't able find it, and the dentist told me that he couldn't have glued it back on anyway…)

13) I am not allergic to shrimp/crab/lobster, although I say that I am…in reality, I have a severe intolerance…and it's just easier to explain it as an allergy…

14) My home computer shouts "Inconceivable!" (from the Princess Bride) when I make a mistake…it says "You're all clear kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!" (Han Solo from Star Wars) when I shut it down…

15) my favorite movie quote of all time is: "Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You Killed My Father! Prepare to Die!"

16) I think it's cool that my dog actually understands what I'm saying, even if his vocabulary is limited…

17) if I could do my life over, I would have been a paleontologist…

18) I am fascinated with any clear object that contains visible moving parts…I can relate to the guy from the Flight of the Conchords who said that his favorite color was "transparent"…

19) I think everybody should kiva…it's just the right thing to do…

20) last of all, thanks to facebook, I now have 3 friends named Barbara [Something Italian]…isn't that crazy???

Grindlewylde The Ninja

2009-01-31T12:29:00.001-06:00

Mrs. Grindlegrowl liked an orderly classroom. She liked rules, rules, rules. She had so many rules, that little Grindlewylde couldn’t help himself. It seemed like he was always getting into trouble.

Mrs. Grindlegrowl frowned when he crawled under the chairs, pretending to be a guinea pig. And she scowled when she discovered that he had fired staple-shaped projectiles at the class, using the stapler from her desk. But when he made origami throwing stars and pretended to be a ninja, she had three words to say: Detention, Detention, Detention.

Little Grindlewylde was not happy about this. He fussed all the way home, to anybody who would listen. He argued that Mrs. Grindlegrowl never told him that he couldn’t play ninja, that this was a silly new rule that she invented because she was just plain mean.

His mother, Grindlewyse, being a very loving and kind dragon, would hear none of his excuses. She patiently explained that little Grindlewylde had broken a rule, and that he needed to be punished. Then, she told him that his punishment was fair, and that she agreed with Mrs. Grindlegrowl.

Grindlewylde huffed & puffed and a tiny wisp of smoke came out of his throat. But Grindlwyse did not change her mind. And neither did Mrs. Grindlegrowl.

Copyright 10/15/2008

Arrested Development & Crocheting

2009-01-28T14:25:00.007-06:00

i made a scarf while watching my personal marathon of Arrested Development (courtesy of hulu.com)...and since i'm playing with my camera today, i decided that i needed to get a good picture of my beautiful new scarf...

Pattern:

Crochet Hook Size H

Gauge: 4 shells = 4 1/4 inches wide

Materials: Approximately 350 yards of Caron Simply Soft (i'm guessing on the actual yardage, but it's significantly less than 1 skein)

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Note: Each pattern row contains 4 shells, pattern is worked in 2 pieces then joined.

Piece 1:

Chain 19

Row 1: 4 dc in the 4th ch from hook (first shell), skip 4 chs, (5 dc in next ch, skip 4 ch) 2 times, 5 dc in the last chain. Turn without chaining.

Row 2 - 54: do not slip stitch in the turning stitch, slip stitch in next 2 stitches to the middle dc of the last shell of the previous row, chain 3, 4 dc in same stitch (first shell), work 5 dc in the center of the next 3 shells. Turn without chaining.

Repeat row 2 until piece measures half the desired length of finished scarf. Finish off, leaving an 18" tail for joining.

Piece 2:

Repeat above instructions. Finish off leaving a 2 inch tail, weave in.

Joining:

The idea is to leave holes between the shells, on the joining row. If my instructions are confusing, just join it however you would like.

Hold last rows together of Piece 1 and Piece 2. Using 18 inch tail, firmly whip stitch first 4 stitches of first shell through BOTH loops of BOTH pieces. IGNORING PIECE 2, whip stitch back loop of 5th stitch of first shell and 1st stitch of 2nd shell.

(Firmly whip stitch middle 3 stitches of current shell through BOTH pieces. IGNORING PIECE 2, whip stitch back loop of 5th stitch of current shell and 1st stitch of next shell.) Repeat once.
Whip stitch last 4 stitches of last shell through BOTH loops of BOTH pieces.

Finish off. Weave in any loose ends.

Fringe:

Cut yarn to 14 inches. Depending on how full you like your fringe, use 10 - 15 pieces for each bunch. Attach to both ends of scarf, 4 sections on each end.

Hey! Look At Me Being Artistic!!!

2009-01-28T10:35:00.004-06:00

this is piece 1 of my partially finished scarf...i have to make piece 2 & then join them together so that the shells will all be oriented the right direction...when i'm done with that, i need to add fringe...

isn't this red PRETTY???

"I'm Not On Drugs, I'm On Cookies" -- Little Boy #2

2009-01-27T11:33:00.003-06:00

you know...sometimes it's fun to just sit back & listen to what your kids tell their friends...

This Is Why I Cheat

2009-01-24T12:06:00.001-06:00

5 minutes into the game & i've already burned down the hotel!!!

My Ant (and Camera) Saga

2009-01-23T16:30:00.002-06:00

i am still learning how to use my new camera…(i’m GREAT at the “stupid” setting)…and i can incorporate a few of the (basic) features…having ants under my desk seemed like a good reason to mess with my camera…so i played with the zoom, the flash, and the Macro setting…nothing quite worked…then my co-worker showed me a few other features (such as Portrait, which has a sub-feature of Close-Up)…which seemed, in concept, pretty much the same as Macro…but his picture wasn’t blurry & it was the right color…in fact, his picture was AWESOME…we viewed it and kept hitting the + button, until we could see the antennaes of these tiny ants!!!!

i edited his picture a little with my s/w to zoom in a bit…

the whole adventure has been kind of fun…definitely fascinating, since I’m not squeamish about ants…(spiders, yes…ants, no)…anyhow, i spent a good part of the morning picking ants off my desk & tossing them underneath it…

bet those ants had a story to tell… : )

Yes! We Have No Bananas

2009-01-22T08:17:00.001-06:00

but we do have ants!!!

If Your Cat Has Gas, Don't Point The Stinky End At Your Face

2009-01-17T19:38:00.003-06:00

little boy #1 learned this lesson the hard way...

Scarf Pattern - In Progress

2009-01-12T19:28:00.004-06:00

i found a scarf pattern that i really liked (until i started crocheting it)...

issue #1: there are 4 shell motifs in each row...3 shells have 5 stitches, and the last shell contains only 3 stitches...i think the author was trying to make the sides of the scarf perfectly straight...and it looks beautiful in the picture here...but that scarf was made with worsted weight acrylic & i'm using a mexican sport weight woven cotton which is not as forgiving...having said that, with the exception of the edges, i absolutely loved the way that it was working up...

to fix the edges, i modified the pattern to have 4 shells of 5 stitches...now when i turn to do the next row, i simply Slip Stitch over to the middle of the last shell on the previous row, then i start another row of shells...this gives me a pretty, symetrical, scalloped edge...

the effect was GORGEOUS...

issue #2: and i don't know how to solve this one just yet...as i looked at the original picture more closely i realized that the shell stitch (which kind of looks like a fan) has a definite top & bottom...imagine all these little fans being "right side up" as the scarf goes up one side of your neck...and as it comes down the other side of your neck, all of the fans are "upside down"...

that's going to drive me nuts...so i've got to come up with a way to fix that...and all i can think of is to create two identical pieces, and to join them together somehow...i could do it as a simple row of single crochets...but maybe i should do something fancier?

i'll have to play with it for a while...

Geography Lesson Part 3 - The Badlands & Omaha

2009-01-10T15:16:00.024-06:00

outside of rapid city is badlands national park...the formations were delicate pastels & my camera washed everything out to an even shade of taupe...

i'm still trying to understand the geology of the badlands...the contrast between grassland and badland was so distinct...absolutes like that fascinate me...

however, the little boys were bored with my enthusiasm...and they only got out of the car once, to use the restroom...soon after, we stopped at an authentic sod house and i was practically giddy, because i had always wanted to see one...

here is a link to the Prairie Homestead website so that you can learn more...i wish that the website had interior pictures, because my camera couldn't take pictures under those lighting conditions...

the left portion of the house has authentic sod walls...i think the ceiling was sod too, held up by beams...although if i remember right, the front wall was just wood...there was a front "room" that was essentially a kitchen...the back "room" was partitioned off by a curtain & it held a small bed with a quilt...the floor was dirt, with planks here & there, probably to cross mud puddles...everything was so dirty...i couldn't imagine living that way, but it was inhabited until 1949...my mother would have been 1 year old...absolutely mind-boggling...

the right side was a small shack that was later attached to the house...it was not made of sod, so the walls were only a few inches thick...it had a normal wooden floor and it seems to have been used as a parlor...it contained a little couch with many antiques in the room...a handful of linens, etc...stuff that would normally have been roped off, but was available for people to touch...i couldn't bring myself to do it...

the thing that fascinated me the most was that they had to cut a hole in the wall to make an interior doorway from the sod house to the shack...and because the sod wall was about 18 inches thick, the arch of the doorway lasted forever...it was too short to be a hall and too long to be a normal arch...to keep the sod from crumbling, they had wallpapered the opening with newspapers...they were very old...barely in the 1900's...i would have loved to read them all, but the boys were not enjoying themselves being inside of something so anti-modern...

having said that, the boys were absolutely fascinated with the white prairie dogs...many people in the west view prairie dogs as pests...and the sioux were going to poison a large colony, so the current owner of the sod house caught one white male and started a breeding program...now most of the prairie dogs around the sod house are white...it's not a blinding white, probably because they are always covered in dirt...they are very skittish & if you throw them a peanut, eventually they will scurry out to get it...(if you're patient)...on the other hand, the chickens are not afraid of anything & if they think you have peanuts, THEY WILL CHASE YOU DOWN...little boy #2 will attest that it's pretty darn freaky when you are being stalked by a chicken... : P

we wrapped up the vacation by stopping at the henry doorly zoo in omaha, ne...we had gone there several years ago, but the boys were young & there was too much zoo & not enough time...last year, we finished the zoo in record time (since their legs are longer)...the highlight was the "budgie experience"...which was an enclosure that easily contained at least 500 parakeets...

you could buy a tongue depressor covered with peanut butter & seed...

the boys had a blast feeding the budgies...after the zoo, we went back to the hotel for a swim...and the next day, we headed to iowa to spend (quiet time) with family & friends...

it was a good vacation...but it was a lot of driving...and i don't have any intention of doing that again any time soon...

Geography Lesson Part 2 - Rapid City

2009-01-10T14:32:00.012-06:00

while in rapid city, we stopped to see mount rushmore...which looks exactly like it does in all the pictures that i've ever seen...

then i let the boys each pick 2 things to do...one picked stopping at a chocolate store and the "roo ranch"...

little boy #2 was lovesick...he adored his (sleeping) joey...

little boy #1 thought it was pretty cool too...

honestly, i wouldn't recommend the roo ranch...it was stinky, boring, & the employees were mostly apathetic...but for a fee (i think $10 per kid) each little boy got to hold a joey and to get their picture taken against a cheesy tourist background...but there were technical difficulties, resulting in little boy #1 being purple...which meant that they got to hold their critters for about 20 minutes, while the staff figured out that the printer needed a new toner cartridge...the boys didn't complain one bit... : )

the other kid picked the black hills museum of natural history...which was an interesting choice, since he's never liked science museums unless it was the hands-on type...but these were the researchers involved in the discovery of "sue" the t-rex which was the subject of a HUGE court battle...ultimately, sue went on display at the field museum in chicago & neither kid cared at all when i fawned over sue when we saw her in person...but they enjoyed hearing the story again, when we were in south dakota...i guess it was familiar to them this time, so it was okay...kids are weird sometimes...no pics of the museum, since none turned out...

that kid also picked reptile gardens...which was a combination zoo / carnival / disney-like theme park...it wasn't a true zoo, because most of the animals weren't in a natural setting...

for instance, these prairie dogs were as fat as sausages from all the peanuts...you could walk down some stairs and pop up in the bubble to get a close up of them...btw, prairie dogs are cute...but they apparently bite pretty hard...the bubble was a nice safety feature...

the sign actually encouraged gently scratching the tortoise's neck...

the animal shows were very educational & extremely funny, which is a hard line to balance...i would definitely recommend this place, but only if you do the shows...

all & all, the boys enjoyed themselves that day...

Geography Lesson Part 1 - Salt Lake City & Yellowstone

2009-01-10T13:04:00.021-06:00

we went to yellowstone this summer...except, in my quest to take the boys to as many of the 50 states as possible, we went the long route...we stopped in saratoga, wy...(see the post from 11/03/2008 detailing those adventures)...

we also stopped in salt lake city, ut to see the great salt lake...but the drought was so severe, that the lake had receded at least 75 feet from its banks...so we couldn't get a very good look at it...that afternoon, we went to timpanogos cave...which seemed like a good idea...and while i realized that there was a 1 1/2 mile hike when i purchased the advance tickets...i somehow missed the fact that it was pretty much STRAIGHT UP A MOUNTAIN...i don't do well at high altitudes, but with a lot of encouragement from the boys, i managed to make it to the cave...

80% of the climb is complete...
can you see the shelter area a little to the right of the center of the picture?

using every photo op as a chance to rest...these are sedimentary layers...the tops of these mountains used to be the bottom of the ocean...it's been pushed up & folded by tectonic activity...

looking at a neighboring mountain...we are around 6700 ft above sea level...

using another photo op to catch my breath...

rare cave formations...the curly shapes are called helictites...

a large portion of yellowstone burned in 1988...the forest still hasn't recovered...

there were so many geysers & steam vents that the boys became blase about them...

although they were always fascinated by the streams...

and by the incredible power of the rivers...

ultimately, the boys decided that it's wrong to eat bison...

and that they should be free forever...

See No Evil

2009-01-07T14:43:00.003-06:00

my eye doctor was eye drop crazy yesterday...and he apparently used stronger eye drops than normal...it's 24 hours later and my eyes are still dilated...

i called him today and he told me to be patient, that it isn't permanent, but he couldn't tell me how long it would take to wear off...my pupils have gotten a tiny bit smaller today, so i do believe him about it being temporary...

i'm just not good at this being patient thing...especially when it involves being able to see clearly...

Grindlewylde’s Song

2009-01-03T10:23:00.000-06:00

Grindlewylde was glad that his brother was gone. It was quiet. And he liked quiet.

Except at bedtime, when he liked to sing. His voice filled the room and it made him feel a little less lonely. Sometimes his songs made sense. And sometimes, they just didn’t. But that was okay. Because sometimes emotions don’t make sense either.

Grindlewyse tucked her son in with a kiss, and she looked sadly at his brother’s empty bed. She would miss her Grindlemyre forever. And, at that moment, Grindlewylde missed him a little too.

After she left, he started singing softly. He sang all the songs that he learned at school. Then he sang about the floor. And the curtains. He tried really hard not to sing about his brother’s bed, but he just couldn’t stop himself.

"Little bed with a cover of blue.
I miss the brother that belongs to you.
He was kind of mean and he stole my candy all the time (especially my chocolate).
But I miss him and I wish he could come back
Because I want to play with him some more.
(Sigh.)
Little bed with a cover of blue.
I miss the brother that belongs to you."

Snot bubbles came out his nose, so he stopped singing. But he still missed his brother. And he probably always would.

Copyright 9/2/2008

It's The Little Things That Make Life Interesting

2008-12-15T17:24:00.011-06:00

i have a cold, which is enveloping my entire face, making me miserable...but i won't remember that in a couple of weeks...i won't really remember the ice storm that closed the schools today...i won't remember a lot of relatively big things that are impacting my life as of this very moment...

but i will remember going to culver's, and how i went inside because my window was frozen shut...and i will remember this because i met a balloon lady by the name of Spunky Beans, who convinced me that some balloons would cheer me up...and you know what? she was right...

Spunky Beans was a very smart woman...and i love my shakers...

Atlanta - Birth Place Of A New Grindle Story

2008-12-12T11:32:00.010-06:00

well...the carpet looks exactly the same as last month...at least they are consistent about something at the st. louis airport...

i took lots of pictures at the atlanta airport (because there was an amazing art exhibit) but, of course, none of them turned out...in fact, only one other atlanta picture managed to fit the narrow lighting/distance parameters under which my camera can return a decent picture:

this was just humourous to me for some reason...

it was a short, but interesting trip...i was in town for s/w training, but it was a chance to meet some of my co-workers who live in the region...it's always nice to put a face with a name...

we went out to dinner...and i understand that chinese food is really an american interpretation, but i'd never really thought about mexican food in that same way...i now understand that mexican food in the midwest is incredibly bland...i would highly recommend going to pappasito's, if you want to wake up your taste buds...

oh, and the poor server girl...i totally freaked her out...i asked why my beans weren't the same color as my friend's, since mine were significantly darker...i asked if they contained mole...but the girl didn't know what i meant...i asked if they contained chocolate, because "that would be a bad thing"...she thought i meant that i was allergic & asked if i wanted the cook to come out...i had to explain that i just didn't like chocolate in my beans...she calmed down & told me that they served normal refried beans and a black bean version...

the food was exceptional, and she came around later to tell us why she was so concerned...apparently, just a few days after she started, one of her customers told her that she was allergic to gluten...then the woman started scarfing down the tortilla chips...the girl didn't know that the chips contained gluten, the woman's throat closed up, and they had to call an ambulance...she said that she almost killed the woman, and that they are very concerned about allergies at the restaurant...if any customer mentions an allergy, the cook & manager have to come out for a consultation...

at which point, i was eating my dessert...and i told her that i'm allergic to shrimp...she nearly went into a panic attack...she was seriously not happy with me...she asked why i didn't tell her, and i said that i made sure that i didn't get anything with seafood...then she said that they cook all sorts of things, things that you wouldn't expect, in shrimp stock...which was kind of interesting...maybe i should be a little more careful about that...but i explained that it isn't really a true allergy, it's a severe intolerance...it's just easier to explain it as an allergy...anyhow, i know within a few minutes if i'm going to be sick & since we were on dessert, i knew i was going to be fine...

oh...and i wrote a new grindle story...i think that brings me up to 5...although i've only posted 2...i have to make some final tweaks to this one...it shouldn't surprise anyone to know that it's about cookies...

Grindlewylde’s Frogs

2008-12-08T20:08:00.001-06:00

Grindlewylde was a happy go-lucky child. He loved origami, which is a strange skill for a dragon, but he didn’t care what his classmates thought. He could fold a frog in 9 seconds flat. His desk was covered in them and sometimes he would sell them to the other kids.

Mrs. Grindlegrowl was an old-fashioned teacher. She was a dragon that was raised on proper etiquette. She valued gold and gems, but not paper frogs. She took the paper frogs from Grindlewylde, which made him very angry.

Grindlewylde knocked his chair over with his tail and he sulked in the corner, glaring at her. When he thought she wasn’t looking, he tore pages out of her books to make more frogs.

But Mrs. Grindlegrowl knows everything. She marched little Grindlewylde to the Principal’s Office, and made him call his mom. Then she took away his recess for a whole week, which made him even madder.

Little Grindlewylde was angry at the whole world and he kept getting more & more punishments. He got punished at school and he got punished at home. He got so many punishments, that he finally broke down in tears.

All the punishments were so big. They felt heavy and he couldn’t understand how he had gotten them so quickly. He was sad about the punishments.

But he did not learn his lesson about folding paper frogs, no he did not.

How to Lose a Friday Night

2008-12-05T21:13:00.007-06:00

you can frenchify your browser...

An Urban Dog and His Stick

2008-12-02T12:34:00.002-06:00

look at that pretty tail... : )

They're Taking The Hobbits to Isengard!!

2008-11-30T16:03:00.004-06:00

if you go to the creator's website (www.beekveld.com), he offers this video free for download...

Did You Eat Your Thanksgiving Crickets?

2008-11-28T16:07:00.002-06:00

"These you may eat: the locust after its kind, the cricket after its kind, and the grasshopper after its kind." --Leviticus 11:22

yeah...we skipped that course too...

The Big Blue Hotdog of Wentzville

2008-11-15T12:08:00.002-06:00

right when i'm feeling sorry for myself, i find somebody with a worse life than my own...

Mood of the Day - Irritated

2008-11-04T11:48:00.004-06:00

Geography Lesson - North Platte River

2008-11-03T15:37:00.011-06:00

the north platte river begins in colorado and it flows north into wyoming, through a cute little trout fishing town by the name of saratoga...this town also happens to have a natural hot spring that flows into a sand bottom swimming pool, which sounds like an amazingly cool (no pun intended) experience...

unfortunately, the water was too hot and we ended up at the stream about 50 feet away, where several hot springs mix with the cool water...the mom said that the little boys should wear water shoes, but the mom doesn't know anything about anything and they insisted that they wanted to wear their sandals into the creek...which did not work out well, since the rocks were very slippery...ultimately, the mom went trudging back to the car to get their water shoes...

little boys changing into water shoes,
note the single sandal floating in the water between them...

yep...you guessed it...Little Boy #2 lost his sandal...by the time we noticed, his sandal was long gone, without any trace...after the north platte river leaves wyoming, it joins with the south platte river, meandering across nebraska, where it dumps into the missouri river...eventually the missouri empties into the mississippi...and we all know that the mississippi goes past st. louis on its way to the gulf of mexico...

after that, every time we crossed the north platte river, we waved goodbye to Little Boy #2's shoe...and we teased him mercilessly about how his shoe was going to beat us home...

The Daisies Are Finally Ripe!!!

2008-11-02T14:14:00.003-06:00

THIS is why i planted a garden!!

the daisies are now white with yellow centers...and they are covered with butterflies...lots of painted ladies, a couple of buckeyes (like the one posing in the picture above), and one elusive monarch...

Booger Small

2008-11-01T16:31:00.003-05:00

There was a little girl
who had a booger small.
She didn't know what to do with it,
so she stuck it on the wall.

One friend joined another
in that gob of greenish goo.
It seemed her only hobby
and every day it grew.

She painted herself a picture
of eyes, ears and nose.
Then she got creative
and gave him nine new toes.

In the morning she would greet him,
with a pucker and a kiss.
His face was nearly two palms wide.
It was very hard to miss.

Then one day he left her
and didn't say goodbye.
Her heart was nearly broke in two,
she couldn't help but cry.

Later she got a postcard,
in time for Sweet Sixteen.
"Love forever, Boogie."
It was signed in tell-tale green.

Copyright 6/8/1994

Calling All Spidermen

2008-10-31T20:50:00.003-05:00

you have a special place in my heart...if you came by my house on halloween, you know my rule about spidey getting extra candy...

Oh, I Make Myself Laugh

2008-10-28T14:10:00.000-05:00

These Flowers Are Confused

2008-10-27T07:30:00.000-05:00

i planted these chrysanthemums this spring, when each tiny plant was covered with classic daisies (as in yellow centers, white petals)...i planted at least 30 plants in my front yard & now every single one of them is covered with pale yellow petals...i'm wondering if the color difference had anything to do with the nursery forcing the plants to bloom when they were so small?

at any rate, i'm NOT HAPPY...yellow was a color that i had banned from my gardens...

Christmas Throwing Stars

2008-10-26T19:46:00.001-05:00

Little Boy #2 loves origami...and he recently discovered this pattern in a book from the school library...there are a variety of names for it, including: German Stars, Swedish Stars, Moravian Stars, and Froebel's stars...anyhow, he was really excited when he found the pattern because it made him remember that i know how to make them...it took a while for him to catch on, but above are some of his results...

It's a Putterfry!!!

2008-10-26T16:38:00.000-05:00

this little guy is in for a rough life...he is most likely the last generation of monarchs that we will have this season...if so, then he is destined to fly all the way to mexico, where he will spend the winter...

The Legend of Grindlemyre

2008-10-22T16:40:00.000-05:00

Grindlewyse loved her son Grindlemyre. He was handsome, funny, and very, very intelligent. But he was also rude and unkind. Grindlewyse tried to teach him the ways of loving dragons, but as he became a teenager, Grindlemyre refused to listen. He became mean and spiteful, and did very hurtful things to his mother and to his siblings.

Grindlebane was an evil red dragon who delighted in stomping on things when he was mad at people. He was the brother of Grindlewyse. And it made Grindlewyse sad to see her son becoming more & more like his uncle every day. She tried extra hard to teach her son how to be a loving dragon. But, as always, Grindlemyre refused to listen.

One day, Grindlemyre didn’t get his way, so he went on a stomping spree, just like his uncle. He killed many, many flowers in Wentzville. He even had the nerve to kill the witch’s hydrangea bush not once, but twice.

The witch was very angry and when she found Grindlemyre, she attacked him with her sharp tongue and her little shovel. She fed his body to her hungry children, calling it chicken. And she enchanted his heart so that it became stone.

This stone she put in her garden, as a warning to all teenage dragons, that they are not as wise as they think. And that they are, in fact, quite tasty.

Furry People - Coma

2008-10-18T11:39:00.000-05:00

aka dust bunny creation device

And the Lord Created Underwear

2008-10-14T09:25:00.000-05:00

"And you shall make for them linen trousers to cover their nakedness; they shall reach from the waist to the thigh." Exodus 28:42

"They shall be on Aaron and on his sons when they come into the tabernacle of meeting, or when they come near the alter to minister in the holy place, that they do not incur iniquity and die. It shall be a statute forever to him and his descendants after him." Exodus 28:43

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

not only that, but he said that priests had to wear them in church...

Clarity

2008-10-09T18:01:00.001-05:00

apparently, the mom (aka me) was confused when Little Boy #2 said that he got detention because he was "playing with his teacher's stapler"...the mom should have interpreted the statement to mean that the little boy was firing staple-shaped projectiles at the class...the mom has learned a lesson about clarity...

Bitterthought

2008-09-13T17:31:00.000-05:00

When trees and bees and purpleness
Have flushed this world away.
And sanity has left the room,
Afraid of what to say.
I cry my tears of emptiness
And scream "It's all too soon!"
But it goes on and on
Around the moon
This craziness to be spent.
And I find myself wondering
Where have all the purple leaves went?
And so I laugh and sigh and bat my eyes
As the cow begins its song.
Wanting, needing, hoping,
That my pain will soon be gone.
For in my world of bitterthought
Crazy, at times, true,
Is told the story of who I am
As I try to talk to you.
For when nonsense words are truly heard
And laughed about with glee,
Between the text that makes no sense
Look there to find who's me.

copyright 9/10/2001